DeAnne Smith

Comedian. Writer. Trouble-maker.

It is my Gladness: God bless you more as you do this

Oh, Joy! She wrote back! I won’t paste the whole message here, but you can be assured that she “appreciates [my] expression.” And there was this:

Please we are giving you all this transaction is based on Trust & Honesty and again I want you to stick to your words,We are putting everything into Gods hand,so please do not let us down in this property of ours and God bless you more as you do this.

Luckily, I know for a fact that God finds this hilarious. Here’s my response:

Regards to Joy (and daghter!)

Thank you much for immeidate response I am very much Eager To move into beautiful apartment! I have good feeling with you and Rev Johnny. you are right, all is based with Trust & Honesty and standing on words.

I am kind harded and very honest person. You can have faith on me. Pls tell me when we can meet, when I can move into flat!!

Thank you welcome regards,

ps. application form keep private and confidential very important to me! Thank u

(Private & Confidential)

1)Your Full Name

DeAnne Andrea Dean Anderson

2)Present Full Address(where you reside now) & Phone Number to Reach You

No present address, God does not help me find place, need to move in immediate!



43 and 3 months.

4)Are you married?

No. Great sadness.


Sometimes, but not too loud for neighbors don’t worry.

6)How many people will be living in the house?

1 Just me. (Sometimes I hear voices, but they are not occupying physical space!)

7)Do you have a pet?

No. Not a pet because not trained and not nice like pet but there is a dog that sometimes lives with me. He is name Richard.

8)Do you have a car?


9)What is your religion?

I am Christian, much daily prayer time, favorite Matthew 7:12!!!


I am periodicals librarian, love very much to acquire, develop collection, organize, preserve, and catalogue periodicals. $54,700/yr income.

I also am spices librarian (unpaid, at home work) and things-found-in-other-people-recycling-bins librarian (unpaid, at home work). Again i love with all things to A.D.O.P.C: acquire, develop, organize, preserve, catalogue.

11) How Many Month Deposit ??? 1 or 2

2. Is 3 Okay?

12) When are you ready to Move In ?

Soon Immediate for no house now.

13) When are u planning to leave the flat ?

1 year at least. Or when the voices tell me. whoever comes first.

Then, with no explanation, I included this picture:

Oh, and for those of you not up on your scripture, Matthew 7:12 reads, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

When will Joy ask me for a deposit? How did Richard the dog come to occasionally co-habitate with what we can assume is an order-obsessed DeAnne Andrea Dean Anderson? Why does God only have one hand? Check back in for answers!



  1. >– this stuff reminds me of joey comeau’s overqualified
    its also..resumes of doom
    …But yours are better <3
    I hope you get that apartment

  2. >*scrapes laughing self off floor to continue with less entertaining remainder of day*


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